彭蒙惠英语:20110111 MP3在线课程 A Confusion of Roles

时间 : 2013-11-09 09:41来源 : VOA官网 收听下载次数 :
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The more attention you pay a child, the less attention the child will pay to you. The 1950s mother went about her child rearing with an almost casual attitude. It was "all in a day's work," as opposed to being all of her day's work. She exuded a sense of confidence in her authority; therefore, her child recognized her authority. She established a clear boundary between herself and her child (as in, "I don't have time for you right now, so go find something of your own to do") that today's mother feels prohibited from doing. Thus, today's mother often feels as if she is under assault from her children from the time they wake up until they consent to occupy their beds.

Setting boundaries

In any relationship, a well-defined boundary is necessary to respect. For example, men may "like" women who do not establish clear boundaries, but they have no respect for them. In this regard, it is no mystery why so many of today's kids seem to have no respect for their mothers, or any other adult for that matter.

I always knew that I could depend on [my mother], but there was enough of a boundary in the relationship to prevent me from ever becoming dependent. This state of affairs is healthy for both parent and child.

Most of the discipline problems today that parents experience with their children have their genesis in this nouveau and very dysfunctional family model. These discipline problems, therefore, are not going to be corrected by manipulating reward and punishment with clever behavioral methods. They will correct themselves when the dysfunction is corrected. The problem here is that it's difficult to accept that what one is doing is dysfunctional when everyone is doing it.

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